It was a shock to sit and read about me from my wife's viewpoint...

Your book has just become available in New Zealand this week and I sat and read it in one session. Although I had read your site in recent months, it was a shock to sit and read about me from my wife's view point. I have been in therapy for seven months and it is hurting. I have been unable to share my feelings with my wife for fear of losing her if she found out some of the pain I have suffered in past years.

I do feel lucky though with the therapist I have found - first go. The understanding and empathy has made my opening up to some of my feelings so much easier and although it is very painful at least I have not had to drag the agony out week after week trying to offer small bits of information. Once I found someone I felt I could trust after all these years (I am 44) it was like turning on a tap. We have a long way to go. Each week feels like a new start. My life has been locked up into boxes. When something became too hard I locked it away and didn't go back unless forced to. That was the only way I could cope.

What pleased and frightened me about your book was that some of it was so mirror-like I knew my wife would recognize the tale as something she has lived with. She is halfway through the book and can see me in it. I am bored easily, feel empty, have uncontrollable rages (at times), try and hurt the people I care about the most, etc. The test showed I had seven of the symptoms but I also feel better when I am helping others, even to the exclusion of my feelings and well being.

My wife and her friend finally persuaded me to seek help and hunted around for the best person they could find. I am the lucky one - having the support of a tight-knit family and some caring friends. The main thing to deal with right now is getting over the awkwardness of someone knowing so much about how I have feel and still feel. Reading can be great therapy, knowing you are not the only one facing this. I knew something was wrong but only found out what it was by picking up a book in the library. Now I avidly read as much as I can because if I can understand what is happening then I may be able to lessen the effects on others.

Your site has helped put my life into perspective and with the help of your book I hope to change.