Being Scared of Losing Love Makes Me Angry

I think that borderliners are concerned of only one thing: losing love. When cornered I get very scared and I show that by getting angry: anger is easier than fear and less vulnerable: I strike before being stricken. Real anger, the anger normal persons feel, by getting unjust treatment or being disappointed, I don't feel at all, I don't have that capability. It would require a self, a complete being, self conscience and self confidence to get angry because people are treating you badly. Since I don't have a self (or better said: since I put away my own self so deep that I can't reach it myself anymore) I don't have all those things and I can't get angry.

I think this goes for all borderlines; that no BP will admit they are really scared when they are angry. When I'm angry I can't be that reasonable too. When I'm angry I'm angry and telling myself doesn't help. The only thing that helps is when my husband says to me: I know you are scared and not angry. At that moment my anger melts away and I can feel my fear again. But that's the only thing that works. But it's almost impossible not to react to the anger, but to say "I know you're only afraid." I see it happening with my husband.

We made an agreement about this, that he would tell me that when we would have an argument and for a little while this worked. But he has his own anger too, and we BPs know how to find weak spots in others to hurt them there where it hurts very much. So it's very difficult if not impossible to ask them to stay calm under all our attacks and just say I know you're scared and with that disregard their own anger. I wish all family and partners of BP's all the luck with that, because they really help us too: they create a safe environment in which we can say what we feel and in which nobody attacks us for feeling it but instead they accept us and see through it and with that they give us a chance to let our own true self come up. Reacting in anger only makes it worse, however logical it seem to be angry for a person who lies under attack of a BP.