These poems are written by Lori, a 36 year-old who was diagnosed with BPD in 1990, though she began to show symptoms of it in the very late 1970s.

Joy--why does it not remain?
Pain and depression engulf me in their icy grip.
I long for the light-heartedness that I enjoyed;
brief as it was.
Why does the heaviness and discontentment have to
return--again; once more?
Inside I scream in anguish, but no one knows.
Do they see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice?
And if they do, do they really understand--do they care?
I want it to go away, all the torment, aching and misery.
I reach out for help; but they don't understand.
"Do something to keep yourself busy", "It'll pass soon",
"Try not to think about it, they respond immediately.
They do not know, do not understand.
I continue to search for comfort; within; from God.
Finding none, I look toward sleep--surely there I'll find
comfort and peace.
And I do.
Until the next day.

Insomnia hits again, or is it just that manic-like thing.
Thoughts; fleeting through my mind, though if I were asked
to speak them, I couldn't.
Anguish--so bottled up inside, ready to explode.
My feelings? I can not describe them, even if I wanted to.
And I do.
Instead I sit and ponder my predicament.
My heart grows heavy and I frown with distaste.
My mind; it has its own agenda.
Another night...
                powerless to my own desires.

The sun, it sets down beyond the horizon;
   earlier and earlier each night.
Likewise my heart deep within me
   begins to sink.
Oh blessed, happy, bright days of summer
   where have you gone?
Soon the days will begin to have a chill in them;
   as my spirit also grows cold.
Grayness, emptiness, darkness and death;
   my entire being reflects this heaviness.
Wracked with pain and sorrow,
   I weep.

Fear...such incredible fear.
Can I be a friend,
do I know how?
Such pain, rejection and sadness
fill my past.
I can not bear the horrors of heartache...
Again.
Can I give? Can I be
Me...
just as I am?
Do I open myself up
make myself vulnerable?
Frightened as I am I shall try
to give
to receive.
And deep in my heart,
I hope;
I pray;
that this time...
it will be different.

Sad, lonely, hurt...
love slips away
Again.
Pain, longing, pleading
aching inside.
Life seems to be too painful.
I don't even want to take -
half as much as I want to give.
When will someone let me in;
let me love them?
Am I a freak...
destined to be heartbroken
for life...forever.
Crushed in heart, mind and soul
I try to move on.
Others think I'm fine.
But I know.
Deep inside
my heart weeps.
Full of longing.
For what never is.