I Am an Individual, Not a Diagnosis

I am an individual, not a diagnosis. I function quite capably at most times during my life, but sometimes, under stress, I experience psychotic episodes. This is not the NORM for me -- I am not psychotic at all times, and most of the time other people who meet me think I am "NORMAL." I do not wear a brand on my forehead reading "BORDERLINE.

I expect to be treated with the respect due all people. I resent and dislike being stereotyped to fit anyone's idea of a particular diagnosis. During my times in mental hospitals I have learned a great deal of compassion for mentally ill people. I have met individuals with severe schizophrenia who are finally being helped with new meds, and I have tried to imagine what it would be like to constantly have voices in my head yelling at me calling me bad names. I have met people suffering from difficult to control bi-polar disorder whose lives are completely unmanageable at almost all times. If I can have and feel compassion for these people, why is that those closest to me (and even those in the so-called "helping" professions) cannot understand my feelings?

Also, I do not like to think of myself as "sick" or "ill." I find that this is of no help to me. I try to focus on what is RIGHT about me, but most of the time the people in my life keep reminding me -- you're mentally ill; you're borderline. This is often difficult, because it seems that people want to keep showing me what is WRONG with me (Believe me, I know what is wrong with me -- LOL). To quote one of my favorite songs -- Don't confront me with my failures / I have not forgotten them (Jackson Browne). I am working hard to believe in what I can become; to see possibilities and believe in some sort of future in which I can be happy and productive. This is not made easier by those who label me "mentally ill" or "borderline," and refuse to recognize my individuality and potential to grow beyond what I am right now.