Communication Helped Our Marriage

I have been married for almost 17 years. I'm deeply in love with my husband. We've been through hell and high water together, most of it because of my BPD, but some of it because of my husband's problem with cocaine (which, thank God, is no longer a problem). No matter what happened in our marriage, even when he was on cocaine, even when I was having a lesbian relationship outside of our marriage, I've always loved, been in love with my husband, love him so much it hurts. Things are going really well right now. I mean REALLY well. We're even talking about having a baby, something that was unthinkable before because I was too violent and we were too much at odds with one another. Things are different now. We communicate with one another. He actually brings up difficult subjects (like having a baby), rather than ignoring them or leaving them to me to deal with alone.

I think the thing that helped our marriage more than anything was getting it EXPOSED, out from the dirty secret thing that it was. The exposure came when I was in the hospital last Feb and March, when my doc would come by to see me, which just happened to coincide with visiting hours, so my husband was there, and we all talked together. I think my husband finally came to see that I WASN'T really a monster, that we really COULD talk about difficult things without me getting all out of control and berating him, that problems were CREATED when we ignored difficult subjects, etc. I guess what I'm saying for you is to keep the channels of communication open. If things stop flowing in both directions, get help for BOTH of you. More has been done to "fix" my life by my HUSBAND changing than by all that I did to try and change MYSELF. We are working as a TEAM now, the two of us, together. We aren't enemies anymore.