The Guidelines of the Welcome to Oz Online Support Community for Family Members with a Borderline Loved One

Randi Kreger, author, advocate, and owner of, established Welcome to Oz in 1996 to enable family members with a borderline or narcissistic loved one to support each other and share tips and techniques. WTO is a sacred place guided by the spirit of our Covenant. At any time, if you have questions or problems, please contact Community Manager Lisa R. at before posting it to the entire membership.

  1. Our mission is to help people who care about someone with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder take control of their lives, understand the disorders and learn to cope with objectionable behavior while taking care of themselves. We are a support group, not a therapy group.
  2. If you are being abused physically or emotionally, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233). If you are in a suicide crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255.
  3. You can disagree with someone or make suggestions, but you must be civil. Posts should be written in a supportive way as your fellow members are doing the best they can with the tools at their disposal.
  4. By joining the group(s), you acknowledge that you have read and fully understand these guidelines. If you have any question, please contact Lisa. You can always voice your opinion, concern, disagreement, or other ideas about a guideline. These are your groups. We only ask that you do it in a constructive way. If you do not observe the guidelines knowingly, you may be put on moderation or ban you from the groups.
  5. The Golden Rule applies on these groups. Simply treat all people with courtesy and respect. Disagree with their views if you want to, but do so in a non-threatening supportive way.
  6. Above all, if you ever have a concern about a person or a post, DO NOT RESPOND TO IT, EVEN IF YOU ARE BEING BAITED INTO DOING SO. Forward the posts to Lisa R. at Do not add to any controversy. Lisa’s email is at the bottom of every post.
  7. Please feel free to offer support, suggestions, validation, your own stories and so forth. But please refrain from giving direct advice about major life decisions unless physical abuse is present or children are at risk. Even then, be gentle. Our purpose is to empower people to make their own decisions. Do not assume that everyone is like you and what worked for you will work for them. Rather than imply someone "must" do something simply report what worked for you.
  8. The guideline above especially applies to religious beliefs. We have more than 20,000 people in this community from all over the world. Do not assume that everyone shares your religious beliefs. We have a group called WTOChristian for those who come from that perspective. But even within that faith there are plenty of differences. Please respect them.
  9. Please keep posts on the topic of BPD and NPD, especially on the larger groups that generate many posts. Observe general group netiquette. For example, don't repeat an entire post when responding to it. Try to avoid one line posts. Do not post suicidal posts. Please contact your local emergency room or suicide hotline.
  10. Off-group harassment is against our guidelines. Therefore, if you are receiving unwelcome personal messages and you set a boundary that is not observed, please let the facilitators know.
  11. Everything said on the group is confidential and belongs to the person who wrote the post. Do not forward posts to others without permission or use someone else's words and pass them off as your own. These groups are large and you must take care of your own confidentiality. If your situation warrants, create a web-based account (do not use your real name) and change the specifics in your posts to maintain your privacy.
  12. People with BPD are allowed on the group, but only under special circumstances that allow for safety for both them and the other group members. These groups are for family members, and posts must revolve around their concerns. People with BPD on the group must realize that people need to vent and they shouldn't take posts personally. They are most helpful when explaining BPD behavior and thinking to group members. Borderline members are on moderation (meaning Lisa approve of their posts) until we know they truly understand their special guidelines and do not detract from the safety of the group.
  13. Because we have so many members, Lisa cannot routinely help individual members with technical problems. has its own help system, and each member is responsible for knowing how to subscribe, unsubscribe, change their subscription from digest to individual posts, and change how posts come to them. The directions for unsubscribing are at the bottom of every post, and the directions for subscribing are on this site. Please learn how to manage your own subscription.

By subscribing to this discussion group and participating in these discussions you agree to the following waiver of liability:

The owner of this group, moderators and volunteers are just that: volunteers. They shall not be liable for any damages of any kind or character whatsoever, including direct, indirect, incidental, consequential or intangible damages arising from or related in any way to the use or inability to use any of the Welcome to Oz groups, the website, or any of its sponsored groups, whether the claim is based on warranty, contract, tort (including negligence) or any other legal theory, express or implied.

People may give you suggestions or feedback, but you are under no obligation to take their suggestions. Additionally, the owner of this group, moderators and volunteers are not responsible in any way for any direct indirect, incidental, consequential, or intangible damages experienced from your participation on these groups or message boards.


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