A Reader's Reaction to Stop Walking on Eggshells

Submitted by Kathi Stringer
Used by permission of the author, Paul S.

Randi,

I find it rather paradoxical that anyone could possibly try to label you as "anti-BPD." One of the things that struck me the hardest about the excerpts of "Stop Walking On Eggshells" that I read was how deeply compassionate you were, and how fair and empathetic you obviously tried to be.

It has been my observation for many years that any time anyone attempts to break out of any mold, there are always people hanging around nearby who will take potshots to try to deny the progess made. Please believe that I am not "kissing up" to you (to use the vernacular), because you can ask around and fairly readily find out that I don't do that kind of thing. I tend instead to bluntly speak my mind and let the chips fall where they may. But you cannot take that type of feedback you described at face value and learn anything worthwhile. Please let me tell you where I'm coming from.

Over three decades I've sat in on a lot of treatment team meetings with many different mental health professionals. Now, before I go any further I'm going to "spot" MH pros one point, and say that one of the functions of treatment team meetings is a place to socialize and blow off just a little steam. Even so, I have just seen altogether too much clear and concrete evidence of MH staff expressing discouragement, disillusionment, apathy, and just general outright negativity towards persons with Axis II conditions - *especially* BPD. Never, ever, have I heard evidence of the kind of fairness and sensitivity towards either the subject or the persons that I have seen you demonstrate in "Eggshells." No, Randi - you have set an entirely new benchmark in terms of standards of hope, empathy, and compassion. If you are not familiar with Daniel Keyes' "The Minds Of Billy Milligan," there is transcript containing some court testimony of Dr. Frederick Milkie, a psychiatrist who stated that his professional treatment of Milligan was guided by a treatment approach consisting of "skillful neglect." I am not talking through my hat - I have seen this attitude acted out, many times, by MH pros. That court testimony is just the first and only time I have ever seen or heard it called for exactly what it is.

My guess, Randi, is that your detractors fall into two camps. The first is those who feel embarassed at the gloomy, fatalistic outlook they have been exposed as having toward BPD themselves, as "Eggshells" shined a spotlight - albeit inadvertantly - on some professional attitudes. You might be getting some adverse reaction from people who are embarassed to find themselves falling short of the new standard you set. The second group of detractors, my gut hunch tells me, is those who felt personally nailed to the wall by your intimately detailed descriptions of thoughts, feelings, behaviors of BOTH the person with BPD and the partner.

Along this line, I'll share an incident that took place last night, and then I'll thoughtfully cease and desist from this onslaught of verbiage. :))

I have a stepdaughter who is a college freshman. She is taking Psych 201 (which I once taught as part time faculty at a local college). She is at the beginning of the course involving the history of psychology. I made a few comments about the persons involved in shaping the discipline - William James, J.B. Watson, B.F. Skinner. I told her how the introspective structuralists like James lost the contest, losing out to the "scientific" functionalists like Watson and Skinner. As a result, psychology has only considered "real" whatever can be measured in a laboratory. My final comment to her was that during the next 20 years, psychology is going to undergo a transformation back to the functionalist approach, as people BOTH inside and outside the field simply look within themselves in an honest and educated way and create new ideas.

And what a nice, timely piece of synchronicity it is that you are catching some flak for being one of the forerunners to break this new ground.

I hope I haven't bent your ear too much, Randi. I am a fan and an eager consumer of your work. I would like to say, don't listen to those detractors, except as noisemakers to show what progress you are making in the fight against bias and ignorance

Just my 2 cents worth. (Be glad I didn't have a nickel on me, huh?? LOL)

Paul Shirley
P.Shirley@worldnet.att.net

P.S. Feel free to use this e-mail, if you deem it helpful in any way.