|
Additional
Traits Common to People with BPD
People
with BPD may have other attributes that are not part of the DSM
definition but that researchers believe are common to the disorder.
Many of these may be related to sexual or physical abuse if the
BP has experienced abuse earlier in life.
Pervasive Shame: The all-pervasive sense that I am flawed and
defective as a human being. It is no longer an emotion that signals
our limits; it is a state of being, a core identity. Toxic shame
gives you a sense of worthlessness, the feeling of being isolated,
empty, and alone in a complete sense. Non-BPs share this characteristic.
Undefined
Boundaries
People
with BPD have difficulty with personal limits-both their own and
those of others. Non-BPs share this characteristic.
Control
Issues
Borderlines
may need to feel in control of other people because they feel
so out of control with themselves. In addition, they may be trying
to make their own world more predictable and manageable. People
with BPD may unconsciously try to control others by putting them
in no-win situations, creating chaos that no one else can figure
out, or accusing others of trying to control them. Conversely,
some people with BPD may cope with feeling out of control by giving
up their own power; for example, they may choose a lifestyle where
all choices are made for them, such as the military or a cult,
or they may align themselves with abusive people who try to control
them through fear. Non-BPs share this characteristic.
Lack
of Object Constancy
When
we're lonely, most of us can soothe ourselves by remembering the
love that others have for us. This is very comforting even if
these people are far away-sometimes, even if they're no longer
living. This ability is known as object constancy. Some people
with BPD, however, find it difficult to evoke an image of a loved
one to soothe them when they feel upset or anxious. If that person
is not physically present, they don't exist on an emotional level.
The BP may call you frequently just to make sure you're still
there and still care about them. (One non-BP told us that every
time her boyfriend called her at work, he introduced himself
using both his first and last name.)
Interpersonal
Sensitivity
Many
individuals have noticed that some people with BPD have an amazing
ability to read people and uncover their triggers and vulnerabilities.
One clinician jokingly called people with BPD psychic.
Situational
Competence
Some
people with BPD are competent and in control in some situations.
For example, many perform very well at work and are high achievers.
Many are very intelligent, creative, and artistic. This
can be very confusing for family members who don't understand
why the person can act so assuredly in one situation and fall
apart in another.
Narcissistic
Demands
Some
people with BPD frequently bring the focus of attention back to
themselves. They may react to most things based solely on how
it affects them.
|
