Get Me Out of Here

My Recovery from BPD -  Review

Review by Anthony Walker, MD

This is a truly excellent book on many levels. It is not an easy book to read, especially for those of us who have been involved with someone with BPD. Nearly every page brought back many painful memories for me, as Ms. Reiland captured the essence of BPD. However, her ability to do this is only part of the reason the book is an essential piece of writing in the BPD literature.

More than just the remarkable course of her life, she tells it in a way that highlights an enviable skill in story-telling. The story flows through an emotional rapid and slows periodically to allow the reader to pause and reflect. She readily captures the extreme pain and misery of having this most debilitating of conditions. I remember the many times that my ex-wife would plead, "You don't know what it is like to hate yourself so much, and for the pain I cause everybody, that killing myself seems like the only solution." Further Ms. Reiland elicits the unrelenting and enduring nature of the condition. At the end she prays that not a single cancer cell of BPD be left in her body. BPD is a cancerous destroyer of the mind that slowly eats away at self-esteem and self-reliance, promoting paranoia, self-doubt and self-loathing.

Ms. Reiland further underscores the role of (what Marsha Linehan describes as) the invalidating environment during her childhood and adolescence. She struggles to explore every motivation of her every action with the type of insight and introspection that few people, least alone those with BPD, ever go through. Further, over time she is somehow able to make those insights stick, a remarkable healing achievement.

I would respectfully disagree with her assertion at the end her memoir that her cure was miraculous. Ms. Reiland worked incredibly hard at healing. Although it may be a cliché, she stuck to what she "needed to do" over many years. She was supported by a wonderful cast. Her psychiatrist, Dr. Padgett, is a role model for anybody in the field of psychotherapy: his commitment to his work and his love for his patient, never giving up, never turning away, persevering within the boundaries of a healing therapeutic relationship.

Tim, Reiland's husband, had the steadfast endurance that I did not have in my own personal relationship. Ms. Reiland might have accurately predicted that he would leave her, but he did not. There is nothing more powerful in defeating the fear of abandonment than having someone who doesn't abandon you!

Finally, and refreshingly, she adds the element so woefully missing in healing and psychotherapy. She heals her relationship with God. The role of faith and religion is seldom explored in therapy, and yet for many people it is an essential part of their lives. I would hope that therapists could harness this force in their own work, through recruiting their pastoral counterparts in the healing role.

Ms. Reiland has courageously written what will surely be a classic in the BPD literature. I strongly recommend it to anybody who hungers for a deeper understanding of the condition.

Anthony Walker, MD
Author "Siren's Dance"
http://www.borderlinedisorder.com