Get Me Out of Here

My Recovery from BPD -  Review

Review by Lea Ann Burton. on January 2002.

While reading some of the chapters from Rachel’s book, I was amazed at how much we had in common.  I know the hell that it took for me to recover from Borderline Personality Disorder, and it was like going through parts of it again as I read her thoughts of manipulation and destruction.  Rachel has taken the reader into the mind of a Borderline, shown the reader what it is like to think like a Borderline, and how intense the Borderline’s feelings can become. 

A childhood that she felt had been a happy one was actually one of sadness and deeply buried hurt---her childhood pictures had shown the reality of just how sad she had been.  As I had done, she had to face the truth about her childhood---the little face in the pictures rarely had a smile.  The eyes conveyed a sadness from deep within the tiny soul---the fairytale childhood that she had allowed herself to believe in for so long was now haunting her.   

When describing to someone how it feels for a Borderline in the midst of recovery I explain it like this…

 During childhood, the Borderline becomes an expert at not feeling anything at all.  The only safe feeling for a Borderline to display is anger---this keeps everyone out so that the Borderline can remain distant.  Rachel talks of her being Daddy’s Little Boy---I, too, played this role.  Always being the tough one.  The Borderline goes through most of her life without feeling much other than anger until she actually begins the process of recovery.  Once the Borderline begins this process and learns to feel other things---happiness, sadness, hurt, etc.---the feelings come out all at once and they become overwhelming for the Borderline.  It’s sort of like having all of the feelings that have been buried over the years released out of you all at once.  Imagine this…  think of every feeling that you have ever felt in your entire life---now feel all of those feelings at once right now.  The craziness that you would feel is that of a Borderline.  All of the feelings that have been suppressed over the years come flowing out at one time---it is very intense. 

Rachel discusses her path to recovery throughout her book---the same path that I have taken too.  She tells how intense her feelings were and what went through her mind as she worked herself into numerous rages---acting out.  She describes what she went through as the feelings began to surface.  Rachel explains what a comfort the hospital was to her and how hard it was to face reality after being in such a secure place.  She begins to learn that love was how she survived---she got a taste of what it was like to be loved at one point, and then she began to milk it from anyone who showed any sign of affection thereafter.  By milking people throughout her life she pushed them further away---the hole was never filled---the emptiness always returned.  Finally, she takes the reader into her therapy sessions and tells of how Dr. Padgett became her lifeline during the journey through hell. 

I recommend this book to anyone dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder---either in themselves or someone they know.  It is easy to see the behaviors on the outside; however, this book gives a person a glimpse of the thought processes of a Borderline.  These are things that can’t be seen.

Lea Ann Burton

Author of My Life as a Borderline

Finished, but not yet published.

January 2002