BPD Central

Too Good to Leave; Too Bad to Stay

This is from D. V. Inverness, a woman with a partner who has both borderline and narcissistic tendencies.

My partner has BPD as well as strong narcissistic tendencies—he's very much in his own world, yet very emotionally sensitive-- mostly for himself, but also good-natured towards those in need. Sometimes I think the line between the two blurs, though he can be very arrogant and haughty. He is in therapy and knows and admits most (not all) of his issues, but it's a long road, and there are many hard places he has to dig into which turn into mine fields in terms of how he thinks and behaves towards me.

I am a writer and performance artist with a day job. I had never heard of personality disorders before I met my partner seven years ago. But since then, I have had non-stop lessons. With him in and out of therapy, it's been a roller coaster ride I never anticipated that has left a lot of collateral damage. I've been through counseling and have worked through the many aspects of how I got in this relationship and whether I should stay.

I have stayed, but have more than once had to break things off for my own emotional protection (not to mention physical protection when the stress of it has affected my health). It's the shrapnel flying in the process of someone grasping for identity that is hard to bear and I still regularly debate with myself whether I can continue. As the title of a book says, the relationship is "too good to leave, too bad to stay." And that's the dichotomy of living with hope.