BPD Central

Detaching With Love Can Bring Peace

What can you do to become unstuck when someone won't change and you can't "make" them do so?

Some family members of people with borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder have embraced detaching with love, a concept promoted by Al Anon, an organization for people whose lives are affected by someone who abuses alcohol.

Detachment is neither kind nor unkind. It does not imply judgment or condemnation of the person or situation from which one is detaching. It is simply a way that allows a person to separate emotionally from the adverse effects that another person's disorder has upon his or her life. Detachment will help you look at your situation realistically and objectively, thereby making intelligent decisions possible.

Reflecting on these thoughts may help you do this:

I care about this person very much. However, at the same time I realize that I am not responsible for that person's disorder or recovery from it.

I will strive to:

~Not let myself suffer because of the actions or reactions of other people.

~Not let myself be used or abused by someone else.

~Not do for others what they can do for themselves.

~Not overly manipulate situations to help anyone avoid looking at their own behavior.

~Not create a crisis.

~Not prevent a crisis if it is in the natural course of events.