About Randi

Randi Kreger has brought the concerns of people who have a family member with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to an international forefront through her best-selling books, informative website, and popular online family support community Welcome to Oz.


Assessing Your Life And How it Has Changed

Unless you have a mind of steel, abuse doesn't slip off. It  penetrates and erodes, chips away, and it does it  slowly and invisibly, and all the while you're thinking you're doing a great job dealing with it. And one day you wake up and realize you've been decimated. And the healing is slow, painful work----A member of Welcome to Oz

Unless you're a sibling or an adult child of someone with BPD or NPD, there was a time when you did not live with your borderline or narcissistic loved one. Think about what has changed--and what has changed you.

Following are some of non-BPs' most common responses to living with BPD or NPD behavior. It will help you pinpoint how this relationship is affecting you. Warning signs of trouble can develop slowly and without you noticing them. Put a number in the space before each response using the following chart:

1 - Severely affects you
2 - Strongly affects you
3 - Moderately affects you
4 - Mildly affects you
5 - Does not affect you at all

In the space after each response, note how you have been affected: positively, negatively, or whatever else is appropriate. Because of the number of BP/non-BP relationships, not all these statements may apply to you. Just ignore those that don't fit in. If something important to you is not listed, write it in at the end.

If you are in a chosen relationship (e.g. friend, partner) you may have forgotten what you were like before the relationship, depending upon how long it has lasted. You may find it helpful to have a frank talk with friends and family. If the BP in your life is unchosen (blood relation) it can be difficult to know because you probably never had a life without the BP. If so, your friends may be able to help you pinpoint what is "normal" and what is not. Either way, please be as honest as you can--that may mean going with your first, gut reaction.

The relationship with the BP in my life has affected me in the following ways:

_____ My Ability To Trust ______________________________________________

_____ My Ability To Ability to Love______________________________________

_____ My Sense of Security______________________________________________

_____My Vulnerability _________________________________________________

_____ My Overall Outlook on Life ________________________________________

_____ My Ability to be Intimate__________________________________________

_____My Sexuality ____________________________________________________

_____My Religious or Spiritual Beliefs_____________________________________

_____ My Ability To Empathize___________________________________________

_____ My Finances_____________________________________________________

_____My Cynicism Toward Life___________________________________________

_____My Sense of Purpose _______________________________________________

_____ My Ability To Get My Needs Met_____________________________________

_____The Way I Rear My Child(ren) ________________________________________

_____ My Ability To Set Personal Limits_____________________________________

_____ My Ability To Be Assertive __________________________________________

______ My Method of Dealing with Problems_________________________________

_____  My Legal Worries _________________________________________________

______My Self Esteem____________________________________________________

______ My Values_______________________________________________________

______My Physical Health _______________________________________________

______My Lifestyle_____________________________________________________

______My Career _______________________________________________________

______My Family Relationships ____________________________________________

______My  Friendships ____________________________________________________

______My Feelings of Competency _________________________________________

_____ (Other Important Changes)___________________________________________

Take a look at the things that are the most important to you and/or have changed you a great deal. As you think about taking care of yourself, asking for what you need, and setting limits, what kinds of things should you focus on?

blog comments powered by Disqus
RSS Feed
  • Hope for Parents

    Helping Your Borderline Son or Daughter Without Sacrificing Your Family or Yourself