SPLITTING:  Protecting Yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or Narcissist

The book was extremely helpful since some of it actually helped me to predict the future and prepare for it. The sections on what information to gather and how to work with your attorney was also great. It was important to know that the family court system will listen to all kinds of emotional claims and to document everything.

At the time I got the book, I had just decided to switch my attorney because he refused to help me assert myself in my case with my exbp, believing that I needed to give in to her demands to make things better and interpreted that me wanting to assert my rights as I wanted to remain in the relationship or that I was trying to get back at her. As a result of him dragging his feet and not doing what I asked of him, it became even a greater uphill battle. He even told my new attorney he thought I wanted to get back with my ex. That was very unprofessional and could have caused damage to my credibility with my new attorney. Good thing my new attorney put little stock in it after clarifying with me.

I couldn't figure out why my attorney was acting this way and was in my opinion working against me. Reading the section that talked about how sometimes the bps are so convincing, your own attorney may turn against you really helped. Just to hear that it happens was calming. As I think more about my old attorney, he had a wife that cheated on him and he was willing to take her back so who knows how his own beliefs clouded his judgement about my situation. He definitely could not hear what I was saying to him. He probably had an affinity for bp-like people who play the victim role well.

It would be helpful to have a list of warning signs to watch out for when it comes to attorneys since one puts their trust and basically their life into the attorney's hands and if they are not doing the job you need them to do, they can cause lots of harm. Examples of other people's stories were very enlightening. I gave a copy to my new attorney as reference just so he would know what I believe I am dealing with. The fact that it was written by an attorney was most valuable. If only more judges, cops, and others who are in a position to ruin good people's lives are required to know this stuff.