TABLE OF CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Introduction

 Part 1. The Confusion Stage

1. Richard and Sandy's Story

2. Welcome To "Oz" (the Borderline Zone) 

3. A Reality Check For Those in the "Zone"

   • How to "change" your partner

4. You're Not Alone

5. Obtaining Emotional and Physical Distance

   • The effects of isolation

   • Other important first-stage issues

6. Facing Domestic and Emotional Abuse

   • Determine the type of abuse

   • The abuse cycle

   • Obsessive “love”

   • Male abuse

   • Planning for safety

   • Police involvement

   • Protective orders
                       

Part 2. The Outer-Directed Stage

1. Words of Wisdom from Other Non-BPs

   • The first things non-BPs should know

   • If you had to do it all over again

   • What you wish you had known

   • What is your best advice

2. Can This Marriage (or Partnership) Be Saved?

   • Know your bottom line

   • Oh DEAR--asking for change

   • Shielding yourself with PUVAS

   • Do BPs ever get better?

   • Getting your emotional needs met

   • Let’s talk about sex

   • Affairs: yours, mine and ours

   • All the world's a rage
               

Part 3. The Inner-Directed Stage

1. It Takes Two to Tango

   • What needs of yours are being met?

   • You teach others how to treat you

   • The fear of setting limits

   • The cycle of shame

   • Detecting shameful feelings

   • Relationship addiction

   • Romance addiction

   • Healthy relationships: you can have them too!
          

Part 4. The Decision making Stage

1. To Flee or Not to Flee? That is the Question

   • Diagnosing the relationship

   • Avoiding making a decision

   • What about therapy?

   • What's best for the kids?

   • What do the studies say?

   • What do the Adult Children say?
          

Part 5. The Resolution Stage

1.  If you Plan to Stay

   • This is a test. This is only a test

2.  If You Decide to Leave

   • Thrifty ways to leave your lover

   • Not all BPs are bad parents

   • Questions to help you prepare for a distortion campaign

3. Hoovering: Come Back to Me Lover!

   • What to do; what not to do

   • Helpful ways to get through this

4. Achieving Your Legal Goals

   • Advice from the Trenches

5. After the curtain falls

   • Coparenting with your ex

   • When you are the custodial parent

   • Cutting ties completely

6. Happily Ever After--Life After BPD

   • Therapy, support groups, other resources

   • Moving forward, looking backward

   • Upward and Onward
          

Part 6. Advice From Experts

1. Love Addiction, by Robert Weiss LCSW
   FindingStone Counseling Center

2. Choosing An Attorney, from Wisconsin
   Father's Guide to Divorce and Custody
   by James Novak, co-founder of Wisconsin
   Fathers for Equal Justice

3. Pitfalls When Divorcing a BP Spouse
   by Dean Tong, author and consultant

4. Parental Alienation Syndrome:
   How to Detect It and What to Do About It
   By J. Michael Bone and Michael R. Walsh.
   From the Florida Law Journal

5. The Father's Guide: Coping with Parental Alienation
   handout by the Texas FathersFor Equal Rights

6. Ideas from Emotional Blackmail:
   When People Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt
   by Susan Forward, Ph.D

7. Order Form for Eggshells Press

Love and Loathing is a 86-page, 8.5 by 11 booklet and is available NOW Call  1-888-35-SHELL to put in your order now; your card will not be charged until  the booklet is sent.